Choosing the Right School for Your Child: The 4 Doors of Discernment for Catholic Parents by Michelle Tan

Many parents feel anxious when choosing a Primary or Secondary school for their child – and rightly so! It’s a big decision that impacts the whole family. The right school doesn’t just provide a quality education; it nurtures your child’s social, emotional, psychological, intellectual, and spiritual growth.

But how can Catholic parents discern the best school for their children during these formative years?

ACCS Sowers November 2022 newsletter featured an article titled Discerning God’s Will, Making Godly Choices, inspired by insights from Fr. Mike Schmitz, a well-known Catholic priest, speaker, and author from the Diocese of Duluth, Minnesota. Fr. Mike has touched many lives – especially young people’s – through his ministry, both in person and online.

In a 2018 YouTube video, he shared Four Helpful Rules for Discernment, reminding us that God has gifted us with wisdom, intellect, and free will – tools He wants us to use wisely when making important life decisions.

Fr. Mike suggests asking ourselves four key questions, much like opening four doors in succession, in helping us make such decisions. Catholic parents can apply these when choosing a school for their children:

1. The First Door: Is it a ‘Good Door’?

If God has made it clear that a certain path through a particular door isn’t right, we shouldn’t force it open. Such a ‘wrong door’ would entail acquiescing to something that is e.g. immoral or illegal.

Thus, if a school’s practices and values undergirding what is taught in a programme are contrary to Church teaching, Catholic parents should walk away from that door, and look for another one. But if they can walk through that door, and still be faithful to Church teachings, then go ahead.

For example, for government schools, independent and faith-based government-aided schools, the MOE’s implementation policies state that “If parents wish to opt their children out of Sexuality Education lessons, eTeens or supplementary Sexuality Education programmes, schools must allow them to do so.”

2. The Second Door: Is this an ‘Open Door’?

In other words, is this path realistically possible? Fr. Mike gives a simple example: There’s no point trying out for a professional basketball team if you lack the natural talent. The door isn’t bad – it’s just that you won’t be able to open it.

Similarly, parents might hope their child could gain admission to an ‘elite’ school through sports (via Direct School Admission), but if the child has no athletic ability, that door remains closed. The same applies if a child doesn’t secure a spot in their preferred Primary school through balloting, or misses the PSLE cut-off for their dream Secondary school.

3. The Third Door: Is it a ‘Wise Door’?

Even if a door is good and open, is it truly the best choice for the child? Fr. Mike compares this to dating – just because a relationship is possible doesn’t mean it’s wise, especially if it doesn’t align with your long-term spiritual goals.

For schools, even if your child can get in, consider:

• Would they thrive, or struggle as a “small fish in a big pond”?

• Would long commutes or extra tuition strain your family’s time and finances?

• Does the school’s environment suit your child’s temperament and abilities?

4. The Fourth Door: Is this a Door I Truly Want to Open?

Finally, if a door is good, open, and wise – does our faith and our conscience convict us that we should go ahead and bring our child through it? Does opening this door feel right?

As Catholic parents, we should ask:

• Have I involved my child age-appropriately in the decision-making process (e.g. visiting open houses together, asking how the child feels about the place etc)? Catholic Social Teaching (CST) calls us to respect the human dignity of every person as created in the image and likeness of God, at all stages of life.

• Will this school help my child grow in faith, not just in academics? CST emphasises the integral human development of the child – intellectually, physically, psychologically, morally, spiritually.

• Am I choosing for the common good – another key CST principle – considering my child, family, and the Church?

According to ACCS data, over the past 15 years, Catholic school enrolment among Catholic children has dropped from 26% to 21%, mirroring Singapore’s declining birth rates. If this downslide continues, we risk a future where Catholic schools have few or no Catholic students. What would that mean for our faith’s presence in education? If more Catholic parents enrolled their children in Catholic schools, it would help reverse this trend; perhaps this is something we could consider.

Taking Responsibility for Our Choices

The Holy See’s Teaching on Catholic Schools (Archbishop J.M. Miller CSB, 2006, pp. 9–10) says clearly:

“Parents – and not schools either of the state or the Church – have the primary moral responsibility of educating children to adulthood. Like a good Mother, the Church offers help to families by establishing Catholic schools that ensure the integral formation of their children.

In keeping with a basic tenet of Catholic social doctrine, the principle of subsidiarity must always govern relations between families, the Church, and the state. For subsidiarity to be effective, families must enjoy true liberty in deciding how their children are to be educated.”

We are blessed that, in Singapore, we enjoy such ‘true liberty.’

Making Godly decisions for our children isn’t easy, but as parents, we can’t avoid responsibility for our children by leaving it all to God’s will or others’.

As Fr. Mike says, maturity means owning our choices – even when unexpected challenges arise, or circumstances change.

But here’s the Good News, he says: “Even if things don’t turn out as planned, God is always with us.” God our Father will take us by the hand, and lead us back to the right doors.

St. Thomas More wisely advised:

“You must not abandon the ship in a storm because you cannot control the winds. What you cannot turn to good, you must at least make as little bad as you can.”

If we’ve sought the Holy Spirit’s guidance and done our best, the Risen Lord will make straight our crooked lines, showing us new doors and opening them for us in His perfect timing.

Meantime, in this Marian month of May in the Jubilee Year of Hope, let’s entrust our children and their futures to Our Blessed Mother’s intercession, and our Heavenly Father’s tender love, care, and mercy.